What could a private hostage negotiator and former Scotland Yard detective have to teach you about getting what you want? As Scott Walker shares in this excerpt from “Order Out of Chaos,” his experiences are more applicable than you think:
The situations I’ve faced are just extreme versions of everyday events, such as placating an ego-driven boss, negotiating a pay raise, having that difficult conversation you’ve been putting off or even getting your teenager to do as they’re told. These scenarios all require deep and empathetic listening, meeting the needs of others, managing expectations and overcoming obstacles.
My role in any kidnap-for-ransom negotiation was to bring stability, calm, discipline and, ultimately, order out of chaos. This could only be achieved by using finely tuned and highly effective communication with people from a wide range of backgrounds, all with wildly different cultures, values, beliefs and goals. Luckily, to achieve this, it wasn’t necessary for me to invent some magic Jedi mind trick or develop an effective strategy for influencing and persuading people all by myself. Like most successful people, regardless of their field, experience or high levels of ability, I stand on the shoulders of many giants who have gone before me.
It is easier to do this work if you are curious and can tap into a focused and agile mindset. Success is also more likely if you try to do your best with what is often referred to as a “beginner’s mindset”—treating every situation as if you were encountering it for the first time. I also watched, listened and learned from other negotiator colleagues, seeking to absorb their wisdom.
Even the most experienced negotiator will have the humility to reach out to others for suggestions when facing a seemingly intractable problem while deployed in some far-off, dusty place. Emulating their example enabled me to avoid the trap of unconscious bias, flawed decision making and habitual thought patterns.
